Beginning Again
I left the psych ward shocked and still traumatized, but determined to get my life back. I didn't know that a group of people could wish you ill and scheme to have you locked away. A fitting theme for Halloween, but like everything else lately things were getting even crazier.
"A group of people can get together and declare you incompetent," my half-brother quipped when he showed up at the police station—I hadn't seen him in 20 years. I really hadn't seen any of my family my entire marriage. All of them refused to visit and I was surprised he was there. It had been my first court date after my husband had me violently arrested. I was still in shock and had no idea this was to be the first of many arrests and forced times into a psych ward—for so-called "evaluations" while they all claimed I was "crazy." My half-brother being one of them.
A beautiful Fall day and I had already missed so much dealing with the court, moving and trying to understand what was going on. I thought of our Lakehouse in The Adirondacks and how lovely it would be now. I hadn't taken photos the whole summer and now it was Fall. I was down and sad but, hopeful that this was all a horrible mistake and would all be cleared up. I knew this was wrong, but I still wasn't sure what was going on. There was nothing wrong with me. I was trying to leave an abusive marriage and live my life!
I was hopeful because I use to making something out of nothing. The leaves turning reminded me that as things die they are also renewed. It was time to take stock; clean, sort and revisit. Sorting through the last twenty-six years would not be easy, but I knew it was time. I knew my marriage was abusive, but I thought finally being on my own would be okay—I was looking forward to it.
Writing was always a way for me to organize my thoughts. I longed to be home with a cup of tea, a spiral notebook, and my favorite pens. It would be okay once I was able to write it all down. Only now I thought it was time for a change. I would update my blog and try to change my format and work on sorting through my life and preparing for the separation.
I was still reeling from being forced into a psych ward against my will but trying to cooperate. I kept thinking it was all a mistake and would be resolved. I met some nice people struggling with mental illness. I learned quite a lot about how our hospital treats people and it wasn't too good, but it was good to be talking to people about what was going on. I knew it was time to meet people again. The friends I had acquired through marriage were not really going to sustain me now. I was ready to move on and make friends of my own again. I had no idea the hell was just beginning.
So many changes...so much to do...so many things left unsaid...writing it down...
I left the psych ward shocked and still traumatized, but determined to get my life back. I didn't know that a group of people could wish you ill and scheme to have you locked away. A fitting theme for Halloween, but like everything else lately things were getting even crazier.
"A group of people can get together and declare you incompetent," my half-brother quipped when he showed up at the police station—I hadn't seen him in 20 years. I really hadn't seen any of my family my entire marriage. All of them refused to visit and I was surprised he was there. It had been my first court date after my husband had me violently arrested. I was still in shock and had no idea this was to be the first of many arrests and forced times into a psych ward—for so-called "evaluations" while they all claimed I was "crazy." My half-brother being one of them.
A beautiful Fall day and I had already missed so much dealing with the court, moving and trying to understand what was going on. I thought of our Lakehouse in The Adirondacks and how lovely it would be now. I hadn't taken photos the whole summer and now it was Fall. I was down and sad but, hopeful that this was all a horrible mistake and would all be cleared up. I knew this was wrong, but I still wasn't sure what was going on. There was nothing wrong with me. I was trying to leave an abusive marriage and live my life!
I was hopeful because I use to making something out of nothing. The leaves turning reminded me that as things die they are also renewed. It was time to take stock; clean, sort and revisit. Sorting through the last twenty-six years would not be easy, but I knew it was time. I knew my marriage was abusive, but I thought finally being on my own would be okay—I was looking forward to it.
Writing was always a way for me to organize my thoughts. I longed to be home with a cup of tea, a spiral notebook, and my favorite pens. It would be okay once I was able to write it all down. Only now I thought it was time for a change. I would update my blog and try to change my format and work on sorting through my life and preparing for the separation.
I was still reeling from being forced into a psych ward against my will but trying to cooperate. I kept thinking it was all a mistake and would be resolved. I met some nice people struggling with mental illness. I learned quite a lot about how our hospital treats people and it wasn't too good, but it was good to be talking to people about what was going on. I knew it was time to meet people again. The friends I had acquired through marriage were not really going to sustain me now. I was ready to move on and make friends of my own again. I had no idea the hell was just beginning.
So many changes...so much to do...so many things left unsaid...writing it down...
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