The tension had been building for a while from various men around the area that would stop by and talk to me each giving me $20 I had thought because I was homeless, but learned the "$20" was for sex. It was just the continuation of more violent games to make me look like a prostitute.
"I told my brother, I'm pounding you on the porch," he said one morning after stopping by on his way to get his 6-pack. He would often yell for me to wake up and get moving. He told me he was an alcoholic and it was why he was up so early for beer. He had an ex-girlfriend that lived next door and his new girlfriend was friends with the people there also. Once again, I told him to stop and that I was out here "Peacefully Protesting" and not wanting any relationship with anyone certainly not while I was homeless on an abandoned porch, but he seemed to have an agenda and didn't listen to me. "What's your name again?" he kept saying.
His comments had gotten cruder and cruder and had taken on a mean tone. He had gotten really drunk stopping by the night before saying the same sorts of things and moving more and more into my space. After talking to him a few minutes, my Pigeons came home to feed and he threw up his fist with such violence the whole creeping vine that had been growing on the porch and shielding me and the Pigeons came violently down as one of the Pigeons struggled tangling its wings in the vines, flapping furiously trying to escape. I watched in horror as he laughed. I told myself that was it, I was no longer talking to this man or having anything to do with him. His comments had gotten worse each day and he would yell to me saying he was telling everyone he was having "hard sex," with me on the porch and now he wanted his $20 back!
He kept making dirty comments when he walked by later in the day when he got more beer. After the last incident, I knew I had to leave. More and more men were coming around thinking I was a Prostitute and a few were getting meaner about it. I felt awful leaving the Pigeons I had grown to love them and was worried they would kill them. Someone broke the window next door and one day they almost flew in. I made a loud noise and clapped my hands and told the male Pigeon "No," I was amazed and loved him even more as he looked at me just like my dog Bentley and understood he wasn't to go in there and he turned from the ledge and got back on the porch rail. I had just been photographing both him and his girlfriend and they were so cute together, but I was hesitant to post footage because of the meanness I sensed from people about what was going on. After all the cruelty with my dog Bentley and them violently taking him, I knew the laughter about the Pigeons would put them in more harm—I was right.
I woke up violently sick throwing up what seemed to be fire. It came in waves, I had been sick all week and was told it was the food I had been eating. I had only been eating at McDonald's and Stewarts, but at both places, it seemed like there were more jokes and I was starting to feel not welcomed. When I initially went to McDonald's the 2 men I met there seemed friendly, but their constant talk of sex was now seeming like it was on purpose towards me. The suitcases I overheard were proof that I was a "working woman," seeing men. Their talking had escalated from quips about being "horny," to constant talk about having sex with women. I thought at first it was just banter, but like the others, it was getting more aggressive. I was accused one day of "shunning," one of them and he spoke loudly telling the other one that he was pissed, and who did I think I was? I overheard him and explained my contacts were stolen along with damage to my glasses and I couldn't see very well—I'm near-sighted. This didn't seem to stop either one of them and the tension seemed to be increasing there too. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable.
After the 4th day, I was sick, I knew it was intentional. I had eaten at these places for 2 months, had no problem other than being weak, and had spent over $500 each month to eat, amounting to about $1500, but was never this sick. This was an awful sickness and I had never experienced such acid indigestion like that before. My whole insides felt like they would burn right out of my body. I hated spending so much on food, I could eat for a fraction of that, but I needed a charge every other day on my iPhone, and the only place I could do that was McDonald's. I had bought 2 chargers at RiteAid and both didn't work. I then bought one from a guy that lived in the next-door apartment building, but that one only gave my iPhone one charge, and then it was dead. I ended up giving it back to him. I paid him $30 for it and after my suitcase was stolen I didn't want the charger either. So after 3 chargers not working I was forced to charge at McDonald's, it's hard to believe there are no places to get a charge. I imagine as more of us "Digital Nomads," remote workers, and others go completely mobile it will be a nice kiosk or other business for someone so people can quickly charge their devices on the go.
It was a sunny day and the same man stopped by at 6am telling me he was going to burn down the bushes in the front of the house and get the cops and fire department there. I got upset and had been sick all night. I didn't need the cops here thinking I was doing damage to the abandoned house. I again told him to not bother the Pigeons as he moved to the back of the porch to sit and I told him I didn't want him back there. He laughed in a strange way and I knew he was going to hurt them on purpose. I told him to leave, they had been my only friends and I started to get really upset. He was on the phone telling someone we were having sex on the porch. He got off the phone and I told him to leave and I wanted nothing more to do with him!
For me, that was the last straw with these people. I paid his $20 back buying him beer a few times and then finding out the homeless couple that came by were relations of his. I gave them a $50 gift card that the man from Perth Bible gave me plus a $15 Brooks BBQ another man had given me. I was learning that all these men were involved in the game to make me seem like they were giving me these things as payback for sex. A couple of the women next door that were prostitutes had brought a few of them around and would exchange sex for things like showers, rides, food, etc. Taking anything from any of these people was proving dangerous and I was once again a target of the hate and violence that just continues here. I was also getting sick from the constant construction of the new Stewarts. Each morning a layer of debris on everything I had. I knew I was breathing this in all night and I was feeling sicker each day. There was no relief along with the heat of being on the porch and being in the sun all the time.
I threw most of what I was given to the curb and packed up my few things and left. I wanted nothing more from anyone here. The blanket I was given was a dog blanket and once I figured out my mother had threatened me about some of these people I knew I was once again dealing with more escalating violence. She had been referring to me as an "old dog that would be hard to sell." I was shocked to hear her talk like this to me. I hadn't seen her in 20yrs, but the abuse was the same as when I was a girl and now was even more violent and derogatory.
My 1/2 brother came by one time and he is Special needs, but asked my mother as he passed the outdoor room I had been staying in, is "It" still here? They laughed and my mother said that I was still there. I was too sick to say anything. I had pleaded to come home after she said my apartment was gone and my stuff was dumped on the porch and I should stay in Syracuse NY. I had no place to go and had to stay even longer because they went back and forth and I wasn't going to be released because she told them she thought I was "violent and could not be around her grandchildren!"
I pleaded with the psych ward to release me that this was all a lie, I even took them to court, but they kept saying they could only release me to a "safe place," I sat in horror most times thinking that my mother had never been safe and her lies were putting me in more and more danger. Once I got home the violence was constant as was her calling the sheriffs and state police numerous times telling them I was an "incompetent, violent drunk." It was all lies, but it didn't stop them from giving her an order of protection, "anytime she wanted it," the vicious judge said at the hearing she didn't bother to attend. The judge called her on the phone and she said she had forgotten about it. Sheriffs had once again removed me taking me to the Super 8 where they told me "they help the homeless," but I learned it was another joke and the hotel ripped me off for $500 after I stayed there for 4 months and spent over $12,000.
When she threw me out years ago then set me up with my ex-husband, she worked as a dishwasher. She would leave containers of food on my back door. I never ate it. It was the food she cleaned off the plates of the restaurant she worked at and she would give the food to the dogs. They would often get sick and have bouts of worms. She would leave this food in the refrigerator and it would get worse or she would freeze it and then leave it for them to eat. One night I threw the container down the stairs and asked her why she did this and would not visit me. I know today she thought of me only as a dog to sell. I was 26yrs old then and had my whole life ahead of me. Today I'm 57 and her violence continues. I know today this is what she and my ex-husband had planned all those years ago when they were having sex.
I left the abandoned porch and headed up Market Street not sure why I would go, sick and sad to leave the Pigeons, but knowing I had to get away from there. I cried as I left, it's been home the past 3 months, but once again things were getting more violent. Someone yelled out a car window they were deliberately making me sick and whenever I asked something people would go off and start whispering about me. I knew it was time to move on—I felt in danger once again.
"Traffickers giving you a hard time?" one of the City work crew guys said as I walked up the hill. "You're a scumbag I shouted, leave me alone!" Market hill is steep and I had a ways to go to get to the stores up top. I was weak and sick and not sure I would make it. I could not believe how weak I was getting. I had been training for a 5K before all this started now I could barely walk a few blocks before I was winded. I knew some of it was the alcohol I was drinking to calm my nerves. I would rather work out, but I didn't think that was it. It was the constant violence, inability to be safe, and the ongoing trauma from all the attacks, assaults, and dealing with so much from everyone I knew all back over again. So much of it from years ago, so much I thought I had put behind me and moved on, but wounds were being violently ripped open on top of the constant grief and sorrow over what these people were destroying in my life now.
I made it up top, it might be about 2 miles. I had to stop frequently but I made it to Walmart. I was grateful they had one nice sleeping bag left. I forgot with all my grief that it was the Summer camping season, but I was so happy to get the last one. It was a nice blue color and reasonably priced. I knew it was colder up here and I had no blankets now at all. I got some nice broccoli and dip and some crackers and cheese. It felt so nice to eat some vegetables. I searched for a place to sit and eat my food and relax, grateful to have left, but I cried all night, once again I had to move in such an awful way and leave things I had just gotten behind. I also cried for my beautiful Pigeons that were such friends to me for the past 3 months. I feel blessed they were there and amazed by them. They made the awfulness of everything more bearable.
I watched one set of them have babies that were able to leave. I felt like a proud mom as one wanted to stay landing on my suitcase flying and clinging to the brick on the porch then finally taking off after hearing a large noise. I wanted her to stay but knew she had to leave. I felt sad they all had to go, but I knew I couldn't fuss over her that she might not leave. I still have trouble telling the males from the females I just go by the way they kinda act. The new set moved in shortly and I think it was the same beautiful male. He seemed to stay around. I worry now about him as I think of my dog Bentley all the time now. I still can't accept the horrible cruelty these people have all inflicted on my life. I have nights where all I can do is sob to release the deep pain that feels like it will destroy me if I don't release it. So much of it also old pain as each one of these people is in my life again with even more violence as I slowly put all the horrible lies together.
The Beautiful Pigeons that befriended me.
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